AM I LIVING IT RIGHT?

I've previously touched up on this topic here but I feel it deserves a lengthy discussion. It might be a quarter life crisis, or just the stirring in my soul... Either way I wonder sometimes about the outcome of a still verdict less life. Am I living it right? Thanks John Mayer for perfectly encapsulating my sentiments!

Did you ever have that yearning to have a quick peek at the future? See where the choices you've made led you? Watch how everything, hopefully, fell in place? Sometimes I find myself wishing that such a device existed just so I can confirm I'm on the right track and that I'm gonna be okay. But alas, it's impossible to hold guarantees in life.

In fact, if I learned anything in my 26 years is that life has a wicked sense of humor. Our lives are written (or rather, we are writing our lives) in such a way that it makes Forrest Gump seem like a snoozefest. Timing, although often unfavorable, is always perfect in the grander picture. We always come full circle. Poetic justice, good karma, and the like are no strangers to finales. There's comfort that it will all make sense one day - at the right place and at the right time. But, still "everything happens for a reason" is no reason not to ask myself if I am living it right. Living a good life must be a conscious effort.

Diplomatic, indecisive, segurista - I've been referred as all these and more. To an extent, I agree with it because I've always strived to find the balance, to always aim for the mean. But is this strategy doing me more harm than good? There are instances I wish I had the balls to bluntly speak my mind, regardless of whether it might hurt someone or exacerbate the situation. But the truth is, as much as I want to go "f*ck this shit", I'm afraid that doing so might ultimately screw me over. So, yes, basically, I'm just scared of making the wrong move.

I keep reminding myself that I should be more confident with my decisions, okay fine, decision making skills. That in trying to be loss-averse, I end up being opportunity-averse. And isn't what's to gain 10x better than whatever it is that can be lost? 

My problem is, as my boyfriend lovingly pointed out, that I want everything at the same time. I grew up believing that the world is mine for the taking - and it is -  but not all at once and not all with the exact same intensity. Don't get me wrong, it is possible, but unless you're really really lucky, life's timing isn't in synch with the timeline in our heads. As much as we want to encircle "all of the above", or in my case, the mean, there are circumstances when we can only choose one. 

And that's where my hypothetical balls need to come in. It's being able to set and commit to priorities. It's knowing myself well enough to know where my values lie. It's trusting my decisions and not wavering in my choices. I know everything will fall in place, but if I don't do anything right now, will I be there when it does?

I guess that's the thing with living it right. You have to live it for it to be right. And I say live in big block letters because you do have to live boldly and not shortchange yourself as you strive for your best possible life. I mean, really, is there any other way to live?