THE SEARCH FOR SOMETHING MORE

Sometimes I wonder if I'm asking too much out of life. What if things are already as good as it gets and I keep pushing to forego it in the hopes of something better? What if along the way, I lose it? What if further down the road, I end up regretting decisions I've made?

These past few months, I've been feeling like I wanted more. I have to make a distinction that it was a WANT rather than a NEED. I don't need more. I know that I have more than necessary, and that I have been very fortunate, and yes, I am grateful.

And I still want more.

What some people fail to realize is that desiring more out of life doesn't mean you do not appreciate whatever you have now. It isn't either or; they don't cancel each other out! There's this notion that those who aren't satisfied with what they have or where they are "ungrateful" or "selfish" or "bad" and this has to stop. Some people are inclined to strive for greater things. Heck, our very reality - our surroundings, our technology, and the many various industries - is the result of someone's vision of the what could be. There's no need to shame others for wanting to venture through their life's own course even if it looks nothing like ours. Are we really going to say that we know THEIR path, THEIR motivations, and THEIR experiences better than THEY do?! Besides, there's a huge difference between creating value and taking it from someone else. There's nothing wrong with working and attaining more for yourself (but blatantly disregarding another person's dignity for your own benefit is another story). So, say it with me, it's okay to want more.

After making peace with the guilt of wanting comes fear. What if I lose everything? What if instead of the "enough" I started out with, I end up with nothing? I begin to question my intensions and if I should even go through with this search for something more. It's scary because there are no guarantees. Even if I take a calculated risk, it's still in its very essence a risk.

At this point, you become apprehensive and start telling yourself that maybe you're okay with everything as it is after all. But you're not. Believe me when I tell you that it will eat you up and it will nag at you. One of the things that really stuck with me after reading The Good Psychopath is how good psychopaths base their choices on possible-gains rather than loss-aversion. What is to gain will far outweigh whatever it is that you stand to lose. What if you gain everything? 

At the end of the day, it really boils down to what is it that you want and how important it is to you. I may be asking too much out of life, but if I don't, I am 100% certain that I will beat myself up later on if I didn't at least try to create the life I've always wanted.