LIFE LATELY: 2018

HEY, WHAT’S UP BLOG? So much for daily logs, my last entry was last December. Meaning I’ve gone through January without even posting an either sappy or hope-filled birthday entry. But not to worry, even if January has passed, you can still expect a somewhat sappy yet hope-filled entry. Because, hey, if you can’t be honest in your own blog, where else can you be, right? Well don’t answer that, I’m sure there’s a lot of other avenues for that. Basically, shouldn’t you be honest in everything that you do? That one you can answer. Yep, it wasn’t rhetorical. For a time, I believed that you should be in EVERYTHING. And then there was a time that I believed that maybe there are some things not worth revealing. Like what’s the point in hurting other people? But then I realized that technically, you’ve already hurt them. Maybe keeping it in will hurt them further. But then I was repetitively reminded that you should always keep your guard up and hold your cards extremely close. That it’s better to deceive than to be deceived. But maybe that’s not fair coz it’s a different setting. But that doesn’t really make sense, being totally transparent in one aspect of your life and totally closed off in the other. But maybe I’m generalizing too much. Business is business and relationships are relationships. But what about the grey in between?! Agh, so confusing, man. Maybe I should treat them separately. And for the grey, figure out which weighs more – business or relationship. I don’t know, that’s the thing I’ve been thinking about lately. I thought I had my stance all figured out, but then something from the past gets brought to light and I have my views all scrambled.

It comes with turning 29, I guess. Daniel Pink discusses 9-enders in his book WHEN saying that “people are more apt to evaluate their lives as a chronological decade ends than they are at other times. 9-enders are particularly preoccupied with aging and meaningfulness, which is linked to a rise in behaviors that suggest a search for or crisis of meaning.” O, pano ba yan? More introspective posts to come. Haha! No seriously though. 2017 was shit while it happened but actually quite good looking back. I think it paved the way for some major realizations and changes to come this 2018. 2017 was the foundation and I hope – and plan – to build on it more this year.

For starters, I finally have enough courage to face buried issues head on. At times it wasn’t even courage, some issues were just too big and imposing for me to runaway from. Some stemmed from guilt and shame, most from unprocessed hurt. It wasn’t pretty. I found myself breaking down more times than ever. But I’m glad I was able to get help – from friends, loved ones, and professionals. Yup, I’ve actually went to visit a counselor. I’d say a therapist her business card doesn’t really say that. I remember our first session wherein I was like “I don’t even know why I’m here because I’m a psych major, I know all this shit.” But sometimes you really need someone to help you take a step back and see things objectively. I have fitness coaches, why not have a life coach too? It may not be for everyone, but I’m glad I went. It was very grounding for me. It was also a chance for me to calmly face issues I’d rather not face at my own yet slightly expedited pace. This 2018, I plan on sorting out more of that emotional shit and facing both hurts and shadows I’ve long since ignored.

2017 was also the year I saw a lot of friends get engaged, married or pregnant – and I ended up being single. To be honest, it’s some scary shit. Like all those thoughts that what if I end up alone and what if I never find anyone. But then at the same time, I’m like, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have been able to go to Europe and catch Rock Werchter and travel to Croatia and Myanmar on a spur if I had been otherwise. Give and take, I guess. What I took from 2017 was worth it though. I think. I hope. Oh god, I hope.

And as for what I’m taking this 2018, here are some ~*life*~ updates:

• I’ve made do on my promise and I am now working on my swimming. It’s a life skill that I am starting to really enjoy and actually look forward to. Like there are times that I’m just like, I wanna go home and swim na. Even if the water is freakin’ cold, I just think to myself that this is TRAINING (Case in point: TITANIC, haha) I don’t know, for some reason, I just wanna be prepared, you know? I’ve got the Adriatic Sea to thank for this renewed fire. I wanna be super comfortable in the water kasi. PS – whoever said breaststroke is the easiest was LYING.
• My license has finally been fully utilized! Not am I only driving regularly, I’ve drove for longer distances and I’m pretty sure I’m driving better too. And there’s a certain calm to it na. TBH, my car is starting to be an extension of my safe zone.
• I’m taking better care of my finances. Shout out to my future family who’s already being taken cared of even prior to meeting you. Ganon ko kayo ka-love. Charot. No Charot. I should remove that and take full ownership of whatever I say. But yes, I am taking better control of my moolah and investing in the future. Sarap to have money eh. And to see it grow. Haha I just need to learn to budget the day to day better.

Things I need to work on stat: finalize my cashflow so I can see if I can afford Zumba or a vacation. Really enjoy Zumba. And homg, of course I enjoy vacations. -> Edit: I signed up for Anytime Fitness! Go endorphins, I need you in my life. As for that vacation, I’m really considering something that’s “multi-purpose”, either a workshop or research. For what, I’ll keep to myself first.  I’m targeting Siargao this Q2 and  fingers crossed, Europe in June-July (Rock Werchter 2018!!!). Let’s see how this goes!

I’m also thinking if I still want to pursue moving abroad. Yes. No. Maybe. Maybe the real question is what kind of life do I want to be living? And what am I doing to achieve that? My recent trip to La Union (where the photo for this post was taken!) brought back these questions to the spotlight. But that’s for another post.

Hope you’re having a restful Sunday x