LUCKY (UNDERNEATH IT ALL)

It could’ve been worse. It should’ve been worse. It’s not as pretty nor as petty, it’s ugly and it hurts, but it could’ve been worse. And for that, I am grateful.

Sometimes I wonder how I came to be this lucky. Sure, my life hasn’t always been rainbows and butterflies, I’ve hit some rough turns (and recently, hard floors) here and there, but on a whole, my life has been great. I have been really blessed. That’s the only reason to it. I could try to attribute all the good in my life to hardwork, myself or others’, but that honestly wouldn’t be enough. It is through His grace that I enjoy the life I am living now. And I am extremely thankful.

I don’t think we “deserve” the circumstances we are born into, but I don’t think it’s happenstance either. I believe we have been put into this world with individual purpose and that we have been equipped with our personality, our surroundings, our families and friends, to face the challenges that come our way. It’s easy to look around and compare yourself with your neighbours; who’s getting more, how come they have this and I don’t, and you will always find something that will make you feel bad about your lot. But think of it this way, you are viewing their lives from your perspective, one that is shaped by your history and your environment. Maybe to you it’s unfair that she gets a brand new car, but maybe to her, this is the capstone of all her efforts and perseverance. The world owes us nothing. The only time we are encouraged to look around and compare is to check if there’s any way we can help others. Of course, we can look around to find inspiration too, but we cannot base our lives expecting the same results just because someone else had it. It doesn’t sound reassuring, but trust me when I say life is good. There is no need to compare. Cliche as it is, whenever you think your life is shit, remember that to someone else, you might be living out their dream. Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, focus on what you do have. You might be surprised that when you stop and look around, you’ll realize you have more than enough.

Maybe I’m not that lucky. Maybe I’m just choosing to believe that I am. There isn’t much difference, honestly, actually being and believing you are. It’s all a matter of perspective.

2016 had me hitting rockbottom more times than I would’ve liked. I’d think it was the absolute worst only to have something worse happen later on. But if you asked me, it was a good year. So much learning, so much growth, so much hope. It could’ve been worse. It should’ve been worse. The timing could’ve been better, but the timing could’ve been worse too. I’m alive. And life, no matter how crazy it can get at times, is all the more beautiful and meaningful with its ups and downs, And for that, I am grateful.