#REGINAMAY

It feels so surreal to be writing about the month that was. May came and went by so fast that it feels oddly weird to be sitting here in sunny Singapore with no imminent travel arrangements. As fate would have it, I got a much needed break in the form of 1-month unpaid leave. I had earlier booked my trip to New York for the first week of May when I later found out that I needed and wanted to be in Manila for the third week. Instead of taking every-other week leaves, my manager suggested just taking the whole month. Which I was apprehensive with at first, because, hello, money. But I'm glad I did it.

My New York trip was amazing (#aMAYzing, haha). I was exploring mostly by myself, so not only did I get to know New York deeper, I got to discover latent parts of myself too. I got to trust my instincts and follow my wants. Not being tied to a schedule or a role allowed me to come face to face with who I really am. Without anywhere I need to be or anyone I need to be, I was able to listen to myself make choices and observe the values that lie behind it. I saw my strengths and my areas for improvement. And funny enough, they went side by side. I lacked confidence in my talents. Whereas normally I'd shy from the good and downplay my strong suits, I learned to claim it and allow myself to bask in it - regardless of what will other people think. I realized that I care too much of what other people will think of me when what matters most, is what I think of myself. In worrying if I'll appear foolish or whatnot, I end up immobile - to the discontent of my heart. It must also be noted that the "other people" I worry about aren't even my tight circle, so why should I bother? To quote the cliche, "be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind".

A shout out must also be made to my empire state angels - my titas, cousins, and my Funshine carebear - who not only showed me the best of the city, but also guided me in coming to terms with the best (and the worst!) of myself. And of course, there's New York itself. I don't think this soul-searching trip would've been as meaningful had it been set on an different backdrop.

After less than 48 hours in Singapore, I was back in Manila. More than anything, being home reminded me of what truly matters - family. It's not just a title you wave around to those who share the same last name; it's a relationship, a bond. Fortunately for me, my family is actually that - a family. But it's not just limited to them either, I'm lucky to have friends who are like family - and yes, they're even armed with embarrassing "when she was young" stories. It's important to have family in your life because they're the ones who have the power to push you up and pull you back. And you'll need this force when you encounter moments of hesitation and self-doubt. They'll remind you of why you're doing it, they'll remind you that you can do it.

My trip to Manila also made me confront issues and hurts I've long since shoved under the rug. It was a wakeup call to "please, woman, let it go". As much as I feel, and am pretty certain, that I am entitled to my feelings of disappointment and anger, there's no point holding a grudge. Because at the end of the day, doing so only does damage to one person - myself. And isn't it about time to stop caring and focus instead on all the good things the situation offers?

The month of May was about me finding myself and pulling myself out of a rut. Before I embarked on my #MAYcation, I was actually playing around with puns and hashtags, and the best one I got was #MAYkeItMine, after Jason Mraz' song. "I don't wanna wait no more, no, I wanna celebrate the whole world, I'm gonna make it mine because I'm following yourmy joy". I wanted to take on my quarter life crisis. And I did. I took a brutally honest stock of who I am, who I want to be, and what I am gonna do about it. To illustrate this point, let me share with you two stories from my recent trip to Cebu (yep, also part of my #MAYcation!).

To get better pictures with whale sharks in Oslob, one must remove their life vest. However, it involves taking off your life vest in the open seas. As the orientation perfectly sums it "you may take off your life vest if you know how to swim and you're a good swimmer." To get to the Tumalog Falls, you have to ride a motorcycle or walk through a steep hill. For someone like me, both situations were risky. I had to be honest with myself in both cases. I had to know when to back off, and when to push myself further. There's no manual, you only have your gut. You need to trust yourself on this one, because you can't be taking everything and avoiding everything either. But first, you need to know yourself well enough to gauge the situation. To quote Howard Behar, "Our success is directly related to our clarity and honesty about who we are, who we're not, where we want to go, and how we're going to get there."

And as I'm on the final day of the month, I realized that I didn't need to think that hard as to what to name this period of awakenings and turning points, it was very much simple - #ReginaMay. It perfectly encapsulates my May that was - a straight forward folder name if you will - and a metaphor of how I finally permitted myself to be who I really am and to chase after what I truly want, without guilt or shame.

So here's to taking all the learnings and applying it to the months to come!